Brian: Trade Machine

As I was watching a Hiram College soccer game the last week, our opponent scored by kicking the ball into the top left corner of the net - an area that our goalie could not reach, and therefore could not block the kick. I mentioned to my friend Brendon that if we had Dwight Howard as our goalie, it would be virtually impossible for any team to score on us.

Obviously that would never happen, but it got me thinking: what professional athletes would a team be willing to sell the farm for in order to get that player to come play a different sport. In essence, how much should a soccer team give to Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic in order to make him a goalie? Lets examine...

1.) USA Soccer gives gives Dwight Howard a $100 million contract to play goalie for the 2014 World Cup.

This idea is simply brilliant (not just because I am suggesting it - hear me out). Can you imagine having 6'11" Dwight Howard with his 7'5" wingspan defending a soccer goal? Not only is he that tall and wide, but he is quick and athletic. He times up his blocks better than anyone in the NBA, and that would translate well when timing his jumps in order to block goals. A soccer goal is 8 feet high, so by virtue of standing there, he can already touch the top of the goal. I would also bet that Howard is as athletic as soccer goalies and his reach would make him a more effective goalie than anyone playing right now. Sign him as soon as his NBA contract expires (2012) and that will give him two years to practice before the World Cup begins.

This would be a solid investment because having such a good goalie can allow you to be more aggressive on offense, which leads to more goals. Is there a reason US Soccer isn't considering giving this man $33 million a year to play goalie? Get him on board and the US is headed for World Cup gold.

2.) The Miami Dolphins trade Brandon Marshall, their cheerleaders, $30 million in cash, and pay the buy out to the Miami Heat for LeBron James.

Green Bay Packers hall of fame safety Mark Murphy recently listed his top recievers of all time. They were James Lofton, Jerry Rice, Steve Largent, and ... Lebron James. Let's be honest, this deal would never happen, but imagine with me. The Miami Heat are ranked 12th in value in the NBA, but their Debt/Value ratio is one of the worst in the NBA, just ahead of Charlotte and Memphis. Basically the Heat are valuable because of their arena and player contracts, but aren't making enough money to be extremely profitable. The $30 million from the Dolphins (who rank well among the NFL, plus LeBron would boost their profits exponentially) would give the Heat a huge boost economically. Plus, they would still have one of the better teams in the NBA with Bosh and Wade. With the extra cap space created, they could still pick up another quality player or two and still become a championship squad. Marshall was thrown in because he already said he wants to play in the NBA, so why not? Plus that would even out the cost of paying James' salary in the NFL. And who wouldn't want the Dolphin cheerleaders?

From LeBron's stanpoint, this would be the best career move for him in terms of money and popularity. If he said he was going to the NFL, that would hands down become the biggest sports story of the year (maybe even the decade). Not to mention that his endorsements would go through the roof as he became on of the most popular NFL players and athletes in the world. Come on, why not?

3.) Candace Parker to the Lakers for Sasha Vujacic and cash considerations.

Two main reasons for doing this trade:

First, Vujacic looks and plays like a girl, so why shouldn't he be in the WNBA?

Secondly, I have always argued that Candace Parker could play in the NBA, albeit as a role player. But she can play none the less. I also guarantee that she could beat Vujacic in basketball and in boxing.

So there.